


connor's not stupid

by llamas



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: M/M, also angsty as hell, but i don't think anyones gonna read this anyway, but thats okay, dont ever do that, i also implied self harm and abuse in the story, im so sorry, protective!connor, sad!murphy, this is really crappy, youre worth it so keep fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:59:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1898178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llamas/pseuds/llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just a oneshot for now because i don't know if i'll ever write anymore conphy again, i kinda want to but...*shrugs* i don't know, we'll see c:</p><p>(warnings: implied self-harm and abuse, if you're not comfortable with reading that, then please, please don't. remember that if you need someone to talk to, i'm here<3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	connor's not stupid

tell connor that he may be a little too overprotective over his brother, but he'll tell you that he isn't stupid.  
-  
(mostly conn/murph brotherly fluff. not necessarily twincest, but a little conphy if you squint hard enough)  
-  
Connor isn't stupid. He may not be the best at math, but that doesn't make him stupid.

He's always been overprotective over his brother. Connor's always just considered himself the older one even though they're practically the same age. Murphy has always been under his watch, always his responsibility.

Nothing changed. It's always been like that, and it still is. It still is just like a big brother taking care of his little brother.

They've also talked about it before, sexuality. It's something that the both of them are very open about.

Connor's pretty sure he's straight, but he knows Murphy swings a different way then most guys do. He's known since grade school.

_"Conn, you know Emily, right? She told me today she liked me. I ran away though."_

_"Why did you run away? Don't you like her too?"_

_"I don't think so."_

It had been a 'drop-everything-murph-needs-you' kind of situation for Connor. He was 9, but that for sure didn't make him a dumb little kid. He understood that girls are supposed to be attracted to boys and boys are supposed to be attracted to girls.

He wasn't stupid. He knew that. He knew it well. He just didn't get the fact why.

Why were boys supposed to be attracted to girls? Why we're girls supposed to be attracted to boys? Could it not be boys liking boys, and girls liking girls?

As he grew older, Connor pushed the pieces together in his mind. It all made sense. It all clicked and fit together like a puzzle.

His memory of Murph in tears, explaining how he just doesn't like girls, it broke his heart. He did everything he could to explain to Murph that he doesn't have to like girls.

And then Murphy told Connor that he liked Jacob instead of Emily. And Connor told Murphy that that was perfectly fine.

And Connor's not stupid. It was perfectly fine that Murphy liked Jacob. He didn't see any wrong in that. But that was years ago.

Two months ago, Murphy had told Connor that he got his first boyfriend. Of course Connor went into older brother protective mode. How could he not? Murphy's only ever told Ma and him (Connor, the lucky bastard himself) that he loved them. He's never given his heart to anybody else other than family.

Murphy doesn't really go looking for love either. So, naturally, Connor decides to bombard him with questions.

_"What's his name, Murph?"_

_"Jake."_

_"Sounds familiar, doesn't it, eh?"_

_"Shut it."_

_"Just teasing, Murph. Where'd ya meet 'im?"_

_"I was out at the store getting your shit, Conn."_

_"Well aren't you glad I told you to get my shit?"_

_"Shut up. You're an idiot."_

It started out fine. Connor knew it was fine because Murph was happy. So if Murph was happy, he was fine. Then a week went by.

_"Hey Murph, when can I meet this Jake?"_

_"When he feels like coming over, I'll invite 'im."_

_"Well he can't be dating my brother without me knowin' what he looks like or what he treats you like."_

_"He treats me fine."_

_"I didn't say he doesn't, geez Murph, don't get yer panties in a knot."_

_"Shut up, Connor."_

Connor did shut up until Murphy started coming home later then normal. Connor wasn't stupid, he knew it was getting later because every time Murph went out with Jake, he'd sit on the couch by the door reading his book until he came home.

_"Why are you back so late?"_

_"Jake and I watched a movie."_

_"Oh?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"What movie did'ju see?"_

_"I'm tired Conn, good night."_

_"Murph, wait-"_

_"Connor stop. Shut up. I'm tired."_

Connor wanted to follow Murphy, he wanted to ask him what movie they watched because he was getting worried. Was he at Jake's house? The movie theatre closest to them was an hour's drive away. Murph said that they'd be in town.

He wanted to follow Murphy, to ask him he kept walking away from him. To ask him why he wouldn't talk to him. Why he was always ignoring or avoiding him.

But he didn't follow him. Murphy was tired. He needed to sleep.

But that didn't stop Connor from worrying. In fact, it made him worry even more. Murphy had seemed down lately.

_"Murph, talk to me."_

_"What's there to talk about?"_

_"I'm not stupid, I know you're hidin' something and yer not telling me what."_

_"Conn. 'M not hiding anything, so shut up."_

Connor watched as Murph stood to walk away, and for the second time, Connor wanted to follow him and tell him to shut up instead because hell, he's been telling him to shut his mouth a lot lately. But again, he didn't. Sometimes Murph is best when you leave him alone.

So he waited.

He waited for the right time to approach Murphy. To ask him what was actually going on with him. Was it something he said? Was it something Jake said? Did?

He knew that whatever Murphy was hiding had to do with him and Jake because Connor could see it. He was not stupid. Murph would stop talking about Jake all the time like he used to, he didn't tell him about how sweet and caring he was.

Now he'd tense up whenever Connor'd ask about him. He'd come home from their dates and go straight up to his room, shutting the door behind him.

He's been noticing that Murphy's clothes are different too. Not the different kind as in totally different clothing, but the different kind as in what he wears. Whether going out or to bed, he always has a long sleeved shirt on. It's in the middle of fucking August and he's wearing long sleeves and hoodies already.

Connor didn't put much thought into it at first. Maybe he was just cold? That's technically what people do when they're cold; put on something warm. But every single day? In plus 20 degrees weather? It's scaring Connor.

Murph is scaring Connor.

Something was the matter with him and Connor had to know what. So that's how he ended up here, right now, sitting on the couch with a grumpy Murphy next to him.

"Murph?"

"What do you want?"

"We need to talk."

"I already told you there's nothing to talk about?"

"You seem off lately."

"Connor, I'm fine."

"Well, you've just been acting really strange. You keep avoiding me and I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you, but you have to talk to me, Murph. Please."

"Conn, stop it. 'M fine. You're being stupid, stop worrying about me so much."

But Connor wasn't being stupid. He knew he wasn't being stupid because the moment he laid a light hand on Murphy's leg, he flinched away.

It wasn't intended. He didn't flinch away intendedly, Connor wasn't stupid. He knew that.

"Murphy. Murph, look at me."

"What do you want now?"

"Lemme see your leg."

"There's nothing wrong my leg, Connor. Fuck off."

"Murphy, let me see your leg."

"No. I said fuck off."

"I don't care what you said, lemme see your leg."

"Leave me alone, Connor."

"I'm not leaving you alone until you show me what's on your fucking leg."

"There's nothing on my god damn leg, okay? So leave me the fuck alone."

Murphy stood up to leave. And Connor didn't allow him to leave.

So he grabbed Murphy's arm, forcing him to stay in place. Murph felt himself wince as Connor's fingers pressed down against his skin, and knew Connor saw him as well because he loosened his grip on his arm just a little bit. A little better, but not enough.

"Fucking let go of me," Murphy growled through clenched teeth and a glare, wanting to get out of Connor's grip because it hurt like hell against that one spot.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." Connor glared right back at him, not letting go of his arm just yet. He needed Murph to tell him everything. Not just something, he needed to know everything.

"Connor,"

Murphy's voice was now pleading, feeling the pain in his arm travel through his body. He wiggled it in an attempt to get Connor to let go, but he couldn't. He wasn't even holding him that hard, Murphy's head swirled around that one thought as he felt himself get more frustrated.

"Murphy, what is so bad that you can't tell me?" Connor's voice was desperate, tugging Murphy's arm a little to get him to step closer.

Murphy winced yet again. "Connor let go, please."

He heard Connor's voice. He knew what was coming next. He needed to get away.

"Shit, please!" Murphy screamed, swinging his arm this way and that, the pain only increasing as his arm tried to get out of Connor's grip. "Please, it fucking hurts!"

Connor froze at that, pulling his hand off of Murphy. His grip wasn't even hard at all. What the hell was even going on?

"Murph?"

Murphy sniffed, rubbing his arm through his sleeve. He turned his back on Connor, but he still felt his worried gaze burn through his head.

"Fuck off, Connor."

Connor heard the tears in his voice. He mentally slapped himself. He was so stupid. He made Murph cry.

"Murph," he repeated, walking up next to his brother and touching his shoulder lightly. Murph flinched away, his eyes darting straight into Connor's, fear flashing through them. Why is he afraid? He wasn't gonna hurt him...did he think he was going to hurt him?

Connor was about to open his mouth and ask if he was alright when his eyes wandered down to Murph's neck. His eyebrows furrowed, taking a closer look.

Murphy's realized what Connor was studying and instantly, his blood ran cold and the fear in his eyes was replaced with panic.

"Conn-" he tried to push Connor away, tried to get him to stop looking at his neck because he very fucking well knew what was back there.

The blood from Connor's face drained and his eyes widened as he glanced back and forth from Murphy's neck to his face.

Murphy felt his breath hitch in his throat, his heart feeling like it was about to burst. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as Connor whispered his name once more, disbelieving.

"Murph, did...did he do this?"

Connor always thought that the phrase 'couldn't believe your eyes' was overused and pointless, but right now, in this moment, he really couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Murphy didn't answer him at first. He just averted his eyes and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Murphy, answer me. Did Jake do this to you?"

He pointed at the long scratches on Murphy's neck, clearly left by three fingernails.

Murphy shrugged, looking down, his hair falling over his eyes. Connor felt his heart sink, anger boiling in his blood.

"Murphy, I have to talk to him. This is not okay. What else did he do to you?"

Murphy looked up at Connor with wide, desperate eyes.

"Don't talk to him, please!" he cried out. "Please. I'll break up with him, I promise, just don't go near him."

"Murphy," Connor sighed, his fingers brushing Murphy's hair off to the side. "What else did he do to you?"

"Nothing..." Murphy's gaze fell to the floor once again, but Connor gently lifted his chin up and forced Murphy's eyes to meet his.

"You're not lying to me, are you?"

Murphy chewed at his bottom lip. "He didn't do much, Conn. He just wasn't careful enough."

"Did he...you know...?"

Murphy shook his head.

"Have you guys had sex before?"

Again, Murphy shook his head.

"But he did hurt you."

The nod was hesitant, but it was there. It definitely was. Fuck.

"Murph, take off your shirt and pants, please."

Murphy's eyes widened and he begged and pleaded, refusing to let Connor go anywhere near Jake.

"I promised you I'd break up with him, please, you don't have to see, it's not bad, please-"

"Shh," Connor ran his fingers through Murphy's hair. He knew something was on Murphy's leg and possibly on his arm, so where else? Connor isn't stupid. He knows there's more.

"Murphy, please, for me? Can you show me where he hurt you?"

Murphy shrugged, unconsciously wrapped his arms around himself protectively. Connor swallowed back a sigh at this.

"Please, Murph?"

Murphy dropped his gaze to the floor, playing with the hem of his shirt before nodding. He started to lift the shirt up off his body, revealing a bunch of scars and bruises.

Connor couldn't stop a gasp leaving his mouth as his eyes scanned over Murphy's torso.

One, two, three...eight, nine, ten... there were almost too many of them to count.

"Murph..." Connor breathed out, anger boiling in his blood. If he ever gets his hands on this Jake, he'll beat the living-

"Please don't get mad," Murph pleaded, now standing shirtless infront of Connor, fiddling with his shirt in his hands. "Don't yell."

"I won't," Connor bit his lip. "But shit, Murph."

He stepped towards Murphy slowly, his eyes still roaming over his brother's skin that used to just be creamy white, but is now dotted with pink and purple.

"Can you get your pants off too?"

Murphy squirmed uncomfortably under Connor's gaze, fiddling with the elastic band of his sweat pants before deciding to tug them down, knowing that Connor won't give up, that he'll keep pushing until he gets the answer he wants.

Murphy slowly stepped out of his sweatpants, holding his breath and looking up at Connor's reaction.

Connor felt his heart drop even more down in his chest, seeing not any bruises, but scars on his thighs. Scars; long, red scars that were clearly made from a blade.

Tears filled Connor's eyes and he showed no attempt of trying to hide them.

"Murphy."

Murph shook his head, his vision blurring as Connor wrapped him in a hug.

"I-I'm sorry, Conn. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry..."

Connor couldn't keep his eyes dry as he murmured sadly into Murphy's hair.

"Murphy. Murphy, love. Shh, shh... Murph. It's alright, you're gonna be okay. You're okay. You're okay..."

Connor gently pulled back, stroking Murphy's cheek, resting their foreheads together.

"Murph. You have to understand, you can't just let yourself do this and not tell anyone. You could've told me, I wouldn't be mad. You know I wouldn't be mad, right?"

He watched a tear fall down Murphy's cheek as he nodded. Connor wiped it away with his thumb, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly with his other hand.

"Why didn't you say anything? Fuck, I love you too much, Murph. Why didn't you say anything any sooner?"

Connor pulled Murphy in for another hug, squeezing him, but making sure not to squeeze him too hard.

Murphy dug his face into the nape of Connor's neck, letting go of all the emotions kept bottled up inside his body. He cried, uncontrollable tears escaping and Connor held back his own, holding Murphy, keeping him together until he calmed down. Murphy lifted his head.

"I was scared,"

It came out a whisper, but it didn't go past Connor's notice.

"I was scared, Conn." Murphy's voice was shaky, breaking at the end. "He said...he said that if I told anybody..."

He sniffed, more tears falling down his face, into Connor's shoulder.

"What did he say?"

"He said he would h-hurt all my friends. And Ma. A-and everyone I know. He said he would hurt you, Conn. I-I didn't want him to-"

"Shh,"

"-to do that, a-and he said he'd never lie to me. B-but he did. He said that he-he l-loved me-"

"Shhhh."

Connor stroked Murphy's hair. Once, twice, three times, then kissing it softly. He held Murphy out at arms length, his eyes glistening with sadness.

"I promise I won't let him hurt you again. I promise that I won't let you hurt yourself again."

"Promise?"

"I said I'd promise, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

"Then believe it. Trust me."

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if there are any mistakes, i had managed to finish this reaaally late last night :3 and honestly, im too lazy to go back and fix anything so...yeah. anyway.
> 
> the thing you just read wasn't, as you guys noticed, really the most conphy conphy could get. i mean, i initially did intend to write brother fluff and i guess somewhere in the middleish i kinda wanted to add a bit more in it but idk. you read it.
> 
> welp.
> 
> see you guys later.  
> :)


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